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Special Holiday Extra

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Tonight is the last episode of Lost. I have never watched a single episode deciding that a sci-fi take on Gilligan’s Island might be best ingested at once via the wonders of DVD. That, however, will not stop me from telling you how it’s going to end.

FADE IN
JJ Abrams walks on screen. Camera goes tight on JJ’s face.

JJ: I’m rich bitch!

Camera pulls away,  JJ dives into an Olympic sized pool full of money.   As JJ swims in his pool of money in the background, each writer from the series walks up to the camera, lights up a cigar with a $100 bill as subtitles on the screen show you the questions this writer came up with that you will never, ever get the answer to.  The writer then  flips off the camera and walks away.

FADE TO BLACK

From the Writers of Lost: Fuck You, But Thanks for All the Cash

Worked Special Olympics all weekend.  Basically I’ve been either unconscious or at Emory since 10 PM Thursday.  I decided to peruse The Come Up just to see if anything interested had made it through the BMX videosphere (so. tired. of. tuck. no. handers. so. so. tired) and there was this.  Now I was kinda hyped on Terry Adams’ recent webvid which was a similar thing, and anyone who’s watched this space (well, not exactly this space, but this space-ish) for a while knows that it is my belief that Rodney Mullen rules all, so I’m really psyched to see flatlanders taking the ridiculous tech to the streets (and this kid’s on some Krys Dauchey gymnast trip as well).

Also, the second trick was a little baby flail boomerang, so there was absolutely nothing wrong with this video.

So, a few years ago I knew this kid with an afrojewfrow who could do these half-assed, kinda one handers, kinda tobaggans.  Then he went to Woodward for the summer and could do backflips.  Now, apparently, he’s pretty good…But he’s still the kid with the fro and the one handers to me.

Russell Summerville from Ryan Davis on Vimeo.

Also, I’m almost positive the picture on Beastmode is one of mine.

There are things I don’t understand. Lady Gaga’s popularity, why people take Sarah Palin seriously, the BMX industry as a whole. But mostly, I guess what I don’t get is people.

Back in the days before the Sunday Morning Duncan Creek Crew got scattered to the four winds there was a kid, Chad. We called Chad “Chester” because he was the owner of a sweet late 70s/early 80s era GMC conversion van that just LOOKED like he was offering kids candy out the back. It was a joke, and one that seems to have ended now that Chad’s rolling in a retired PD Crown Vic.

Sadly, apparently, Atlanta’s BMX scene now includes someone who is listed on the Georgia Sex Offenders Registry as having committed “Class One Harm to a Child.” Now, to be fair there are many ways to legally become a child molester, my favorite is if you’re a senior in high school and your girlfriend is a sophomore and you hit that. That, most sane people will admit, shouldn’t count. Apparently that’s not what this guy did.

Actually, nobody’s sure what he did, his story’s changed more than once.

But that’s really kinda not the point. The point is, if you’re a convicted child molester you may want to keep the lowest profile possible, not get caught hanging out with a bunch of kids and not make enemies with people who will call the cops on your ass (or, you know, shoot you, don’t get it twisted Georgia ain’t Texas, but we love our 2nd Amendment). Which is not what this guy is doing.

Now, let’s get one thing straight, I don’t know dude, as far as I know I’ve never met him and I’ve seen his picture on the Sex Offender’s Registry, but that’s about it. But, I do know that instead of keeping a low profile and trying to get along with the minimum amount of fuss (and attention) with everyone. Dude’s busy making threats on Beast Mode (also, Matt LeViege’s feelings are hurt, which is sad, because I think Matt is one of the more creative riders out there, but his reputation precedes him and that reputation, not good, but also not specific) and, from what I can tell just being kinda creepy and asshatty.

My suggestions?

1. Stop hanging out with middle school kids, shit’s creepy.
2. Stop threatening people, the cops will always go to you first
3. Just give it up, you’ve pissed off half of Atlanta, maybe start someplace else.  Build a mini in your back yard and ride it.  Lay low for, you know, ever.

But has anyone ever listened to me?  No, no they haven’t.

Lena Horne 1917 -2010

Seven days, two legends.

Ronnie James Dio 1942 - 2010

He gave us the horns…

I recently had two requests for Lady Gaga in Mondays Suck.  Truth of the matter is, even post nose job I find Lady Gaga “meh.”

This, however, made me laugh, so there we go, everybody wins.