Mystic Negro dot Com

Things I’ve learned recently. The bass player is Dee Dee Ramone’s cousin. Who knew?

I lied. That totally sucks.

I am no longer an angry young man. There are more than a few people out there who would say I was never a young man, having what we in the South call “an old soul,” but the fact of the matter is at 37 the things that mattered to me at 27 or 17 are not the same.  At 37 I’m not pissed off that I can’t get laid or that my girlfriend left me, I’m annoyed that the mortgage and the car note are due on the same day and that I stepped bare footed in a puddle  of dog pee left by a 13 year old Labrador in the middle of the night.  It’s not very metal, it’s certainly not “brootal,” but it’s what happens when you grow up, suddenly your problems become boring.

Similarly, at 37 I don’t feel the need to listen to (or make) the most soul crushingly aggressive music ever anymore.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for Reign in Blood and I think it’s nearly impossible to look at Metallica’s foray into Slightly Southern Fried Hard Rockallica as anything but pure fail (“Gimme fyoo, gimme fie, gimme that which I diseye” my ass) but, you know, sometimes you just need some good, hard rockin’ music to put the window and the hammer down to.  Something like Nickelback or Godsmack or Disturbed, only not at all like them because I said good.

I get the feeling that Volbeat main man Michael Poulsen probably felt similarly when he threw fans of his death metal band, Dominous, a curve ball by releasing a slab of southern fried straight up metal with the album Vol.Beat.  More so when he put a stake through Dominous’  heart and brought to life his next project, the “Elvis metal” Volbeat.

Now four albums in, Beyond Hell/Above Heaven is in my grubby little ears (really, anybody got a Q-Tip?).  Giant hooks, smart pop sensibilities a cool ’50s aesthetic and an obsession with hot rods and outlaws.  These guys should be massive, but this album came out last year and I didn’t even know about it.  Apparently their record label doesn’t understand the concept of marketing music to drive fast to.  How awesome is this album and how badly is Universal dropping the ball?

There are no words.

That sound you hear is James Hetfield’s splooge hitting the floor as some guys from Denmark (who are not Lars Ulrich) fully realize his psychobilly wet dream.  I don’t know if there’s another album where you can hear a double bass play in unison with double bass drums or hear death metal vocals along side cowpunk rhythms but you’ll hear it here and you’ll here it good.  There are no bad songs on this album.  There are some oddities (the aforementioned death grunt on “Evelyn” and the death inflected rhythms on “7 Shots”) and some tracks that could easily slot in on the radio (“Fallen” and “Heaven Nor Hell”) but nothing stands out as “bad” nothing even stands out as “average” it’s all “good” or “really fucking awesome.”

Look, if you’ve ever bought a Social Distortion album and liked it, this album is for you.  If you’ve ever bought a Social Distortion album and thought it needed an injection of HGH directly to the ball sack, this album is for you (I am not a doctor, injecting HGH to the balls could result in shrinkage, I don’t know, but it seems like it shouldn’t).  If you have a “Cash” sticker on your helmet, this album is for you and it’s available here.

Buy it now.

Overkill never gets the respect that they deserve.

Heather Williams is a local

• Real Estate agent
• Professional freestyle motocross rider (OMG! She was in the X-Games)
• Professional motocross racer
• Drag bike racer
• Funny car racer
• Scuba diver
• Skateboarder
• High school basketball player
• Cross country runner
• Tween soccer player
• Go karting enthusiast
• Reality TV “personality.”
• Lingerie football player
• Owner of two large, round breasts

Ok, that’s just too much shit, there’s no way someone can do all of that stuff and be good at it.  It doesn’t even make sense.  It’s just too much, TOO MUCH!

Sorry, back now.

Anyway, in the below video Ms. Williams lets you know how awesome she is by pretending to be Lita Ford while showing VHS footage of all the stuff she’s into.  She also breaks Shredding Rule Number One by turning her back to the camera during the solo.  Nice ass or no, you’re supposed to show off your tasty licks, not hide them.

Oh yeah, this is the good stuff.

R.I.P. Mike Starr

Warner Music Group doesn’t understand how the internet works, so I couldn’t post up “Jesus built My Hotrod” (which is obvious, but also kicks ass).  I figure this is a good substitute.