mysticnegro.com Kranky v3.0

2010 GT Bump

Stop

Just.  Stop.

This is a word problem which assumes that everyone has seen the new Deco bars. If you haven’t

Deco FUBars

(Word of warning to anyone who hasn’t been to the Deco site, it is largely concerned with showing she-nipples in all of their glory and horror.  It is almost completely NSFW unless you work on a porn set.)

Chad has described them as having the look and feel of  four piece bars in a  two piece bar.  He’s also admitted that, they’re basically Bob Bars.

So – True or False – IF the new Deco bars look almost exactly like the bars on my 1st gen GT Pro Performer AND they are based on the Animal Bob Bars AND IF Bob Bars are basically GT four piece bars AND IF those GT four piece bars are four piece versions of the two piece bars on my 1st gen GT Pro Performer DOES Rich Long’s head spin around in his grave?

I have OD’d on Interbike footage and I have some words for you.

Pacific – Hey, you let GT put out a frame, welcome to the late 20th century! I won’t take you seriously until you re-release the Pacman fork.

The Take/The Make - You take this shit outside and settle it like gentlemen.  I thought it was a typo when I clicked on that video.  It’s like buying your wife a Prado bag for Christmas.  Also, did the commuter bikes get shown?  If not I am a sad panda.

Haro/Premium - Hey, a new frame that’s as light as a scooter, but isn’t a scooter?  Yeah, that won’t end badly at all.

Eastern - I’ve defended you against all sorts of criticism for all sorts of things.  But, then I saw this and the bleeding from my eyes started.  While I like the Nitrous series (and the branding of which makes me think you might be gearing it up to make it its own brand) nothing makes up for the Dragon/Reaper/Boss.  BMX companies, Killarado clones make the Baby Jesus cry.

Intense - Shaun Palmer is, without a doubt, the single greatest athlete of his generation (which is, of course, my generation), however he has some of the stupidest tattoos of any living human being.  I’m talking about The Palm’s return to your mountain bike team because, let’s be honest, it’s more interesting than your freestyle bikes which are notable only in that they are full of Sinz parts.  Good try, they look nice and all, I’d even buy one, but I don’t think anyone’s going to notice.

Fit - If my calculations are right, everyone on your team now has a signature bike except Van Homan. Wait, I just checked Dans and Van does have a signature complete available for 2010, that’s everyone.

MacNeil – Speaking of signature bikes, it’s a bit weird that I can order the Young III frame from Dan’s and you just dropped Young?  I mean, at first I thought it was older, but then I realized the graphics are all in your new design language.  Does he still get royalties? Ohyeah, the 22.2mm seat tube is stupid.

MirraCo - Mike Spinner rode for you guys for like three years and didn’t get a signature frame, but Harry Main gets one after a week and a half?  Was it the Jew Fro?  Also, can someone explain this to me.  Dave Mirra is sponsored by Snafu.  Dave Mirra co-owns MirraCo.  MirraCo has a parts line that competes directly with Snafu. Jim Ford lets you get away with this shit?  I thought his entire job was to provide adult supervision so that HIS BUSINESS PARTNER WOULDN’T RIDE A COMPETITOR’S PRODUCT.

Hyper - I don’t care that Spinner doesn’t grind, 3/8″ rear axles are stupid.