Time Money Cars: Magnum Summer

I am a car guy from America.  Being a CGfA is a not the same as being an American car guy.  I don’t actually care where a car is from; I just like cars.  I especially like wagons.  I have what could be termed an irrational love for all things station wagon. Obviously I’ve never owned a station wagon despite having plenty of opportunities to do so.

The CGfA is above all a hypocrite.

Enter the Magnum

Hot even before it was a thing

Hot even before it was a thing

If you know me even a little bit you know that I loves me some Doge Magnum, just not enough to buy one.  The reason a Magnum has never graced the driveway of Casa de Negro is simple.

The interior of that thing makes me want to kick puppies, and I LIKE puppies.

They did they best they could with what they had

They did they best they could with what they had

The story, so it is told, is that when Mercedes (which was broke, but well regarded) “merged” with Chrysler (which was printing money, but considered meh) the first thing the Germans did was demand that production costs for vehicles be slashed by 20-40% (specifics vary).  The easiest way to do this was to replace the interiors of all the cars with mock interiors which looked like real interiors, but were never actually intended to be used by real, human people.  The Germans then strip mined all of Chrysler’s bank accounts, sold them to an even more incompetent managing company and began producing American style muscle cars.

All of which is to say that this post should really consist of the following:

  • Buy Magnum
  • Buy Katzkin kit
  • Install

Should.

Magnum Force

OK, so here’s the fever dream that I have as I stare down the barrel of 40.  Buy the cheapest Magnum I can find

$6990 as I write this

$6990 as I write this

Also buy the engine and transmission out of a Viper that someone has, helpfully, backed into a tree at high speed.

I think you see where I’m going with this.

At the end of the day the idea would be to have a satin gray, six speed manual, v-10 Dodge Magnum with a redone interior, with a back full pf camera gear to take on a road trip for the occasion of my fortieth year on earth.

This is crazy talk.

Starting with the fact that although every SEMA Chrysler likes to trot out an LX car that they’ve stuffed a Viper drive train into

Still not fast enough to outrun that color

Still not fast enough to outrun that color

They have, to the best of my knowledge, never actually produced a kit that would allow you to create such a beast. This means that the actual list of this project would go something like this:

  • Buy Magnum SXT
  • Buy Viper that someone had, usefully, backed into a tree at a high rate of speed
  • Buy Wilwood big brake kit
  • Paint Wilwood calipers blue
  • Buy Viper repo wheels (black)
  • Buy Katzkin interior kit (gray and blue)
  • Have car wrapped in satin gray
  • Hire gaggle of Chrysler power train engineers to figure out how to make the Viper drive train talk to a Magnum everything else in their spare time.

So, that’s not happening.

More realistic plan

Broooootaaaaaaaaal

I want to shoot the guy who put the fake vents on this

  • Buy Magnum SRT-8 (close enough to 500hp)
  • Install Katzkin kit
  • Drive

Now, to get $30k for a project car…

Next up a Dodge Durango project, which is exactly the same as the Magnum project, but 5/4 size, with a better interior, more lowering.