TRAAAAACK CAAAAAAAAAR!

Tiny Car is Tiny

Tiny Car is Tiny

Some of you reading this may know that, in order to stop my whining about turning 40 The Mrs. got me a track day via Hooked on Driving.

So, yeah, that was really, really fun, but beating up The Mrs.’ Mini for my high priced new hobby1 seems like a dick move.  So now, what I need is a track car.

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  1. Chuck- who provided half of the DNA for BMX wunderkind Devon – Smillie told me that drugs would be a cheaper habit.  As a former MC racer, I’m inclined to believe him

Dear Automotive Hipster

Congratulations on your purchase of a clapped out, old 911 1

 

Not even close to this nice.

Not even close to this nice.

You have paid roughly the cost of a new Mustang, Camaro or 360 Z 2 for a sports car that is, objectively, worse performing than a Toyota Camry. Also more expensive to maintain and less reliable.

It’s not all doom and gloom, though.  The snap oversteer provided by the world’s worse drive train layout 3 guarantees that when you come around a corner to hot you will back into that tree, not go in face first.

SAFETY!!!!4

Fortunately, you have the additional “style” of the 911 5 will keep you smiling as you sit down for your nightly viewing of Urban Outlaw.6

So, have fun with that.  I’m shopping for old 944s. As long as you stay away from them, I can buy two for the cost of your Magnus Walker door handles.

Thanks,

G.

  1. Photo taken from Influx.  Check that site out, it’s got pretty pictures.
  2. Or a used Boxster or Cayman
  3. Which made sense in the Beetle, but not in a sports car.  Not that purists would ever let it change.
  4. Irony!!!!
  5. Admission time, besides the ridiculous slant nose/935, I’ve always found 911s to be entirely unattractive, to each their own, tho.
  6. I mean, he’s a rich guy who collects Porsches.  Nothing says outlaw like collecting Porsches.

Total Eclipse of My Car

The first car I bought with my own money was a 1996 Mitsubishi Eclipse GS-T, like this one but with less jack stand:

Exactly like this one, but with less jack stand

That car taught me about several things including torque steer, lift throttle oversteer (on I-85 South) and the insurance turbo tax.  When she wasn’t trying to kill me, which wasn’t often, she was a great lady.  The same can be said for many women I have known.

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