50 Shades a Dey Pt. 1: Wow, Just, Wow

So, let me start by saying that I avoided Twilight like the plague.  On the surface Twilight is a story about a centenarian’s courtship of a mentally disturbed minor, Pedo Bear may approve, but I’m not so fond of it.  Beneath the surface Twilight is a primer on how to be in an abusive relationship.  What I’m saying is, I’m morally opposed to Twilight.

So why do I find myself reading a book that started as Twilight fan-fiction? Because a friend of mine is over the moon for it and another friend of mine is completely, totally, incredibly in hate for it.  That’s the friend who gave me a copy to read.  (spoilers) I’m now convinced that she’s not so much my friend, but my arch enemy.


My plan is to read as much of 50 Shades of Gray as I can stomach every night and then comment on it the next day.

Ready? Go!

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BMW Releases New Model, Confuses People

No, Really, This isn't a Five

So, BMW decided to jump on the hot “four door coupe” bandwagon that its European competition has been pushing for years now.  It decided to do it with this, the Six series Gran Coupe, making a sedan out of a coupe.  Brilliant.  Except for one small detail, the Six series is already a coupe based on a sedan, the Five series.  So, what they’ve done is given the Five series a slightly less formal roofline and called it a new model.

Oh wait, they did that, already, too.


Don't Look Directly At It, You'll Turn to Stone.

So now we have four cars based on the same platform, two of which that look pretty much the same, one of which is an abomination against good design and on that has two doors.

Really? Is there a hair left after all of that splitting?

Not really, but there you go, the new BMW Six Series Gran Coupe, a Five with less rear head room.  Exactly what the world needed.

Everything Old is New Again…

Since the French don’t care about us Soul BMX dropped this edit right before most of America was preparing to enter a collective turkey induced coma and pepper spray each other over video game consoles.

SOUL VID’ / FLAT & STREET REVOLUTION from Soul Bmx Magazine on Vimeo.

It’s hard not to like it.  The riding is solid, the music is good, the filming and editing are top notch.  People lost their shit over it, “the evolution of BMX” people said.

is not

Ride had the presence of mind to call out Dave Voelker, Chad Degroot and Paul Osicka.  Truth is this isn’t that much different than the stuff that Corey Furmage or Rob Ridge do (to be fair, Corey and Rob mix more 80s/early 90s style and these guys are more modern) and, let’s be honest, if you were a flatlander on Standard between about 1997 and 2003 you were contractually obligated to ride like this. Hell, I’m sure that Catfish is like, “The hell, I’ve been doing this stuff my entire career and people think I’m a joke!”

The fact isn’t so much that this is the great revolution of street riding but that it’s not boring.

Five or so years ago everyone in BMX decided that they didn’t want to use brakes anymore.  The average 15 year old kid on the internet declared that not having brakes “makes me more creative,” which didn’t make any sense.  If you’re a rote rider with no originality, giving yourself less options was not going to help matters any.  But, the proof is in the pudding.  Let’s play a game.  How many street videos have you seen in the last week that contain all of the following:

  • Riders going at a moderate speed towards an obstacle that’s roughly handlebar height to jump over
  • Gap to double peg
  • Hangover toothpick down a rail
  • 360 down a set
  • Bunnyhop barspin for no apparent reason
  • Tailwhip down a set
  • Long nose manual
  • Long hang five

If you answered “all of them” you’re probably right.  To be fair, even this one included a decent number of those things but it included something else – finesse – which is largely missing from the grind and barspin school of modern street riding.  Even if it’s not as revolutionary as people are saying, I hope this video is insanely influential.


BMX Is Serious Business…

The Albion is a BMX magazine which is given away free at bike shops in the UK.  Since The Albion is, supposedly the best BMX magazine in the world (or at least better than any BMX magazine from America as British magazines tend to be better than American magazines).  However, as it is only available in the UK, well, people can say whatever the hell they want to about it and it’s not like I can dispute them, now can I?

Anyway, feathers were ruffled this week when The Albion published an interview with The Greatest Vert Rider of All Time.  In the interview Jamie Bestwick said somethings which resulted in Ben Hennon referring to him as “a fucking prick.”  Well, that’s harsh.  What did Jamie say?

G, Love the site. Glad you’re back. The fucking Prick

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Bench Racing is Serious Business…

This is the Camaro ZL-1.  It makes 580hp (claimed), it goes 185 or so miles an hour (claimed), it is tuned from the factory to be a track day weapon.  It is not for sale yet.

This is the Ford Mustang Shelby GT500.  It makes 650 horsepower (claimed), if you want to take it on a track you will have to buy an optional track pack, it has a top speed of 200 miles an hour (claimed).  It is not yet for sale.

Because the internet exists there is less and less civil conversation about which car will destroy which car had by people who will never own either.

The fact of the matter is that the reason the GT500 went all seriously ridiculous is because the Camaro is beating the Mustang in sales despite being, arguably, a worse car (oh how the tables have turned.  In the 90s the fourth generation Camaro Z-28/Firebird Trans-Am outperformed the Mustang in every measurable way and were outsold 2-1 combined by the Mustang.  This lead to the creation of the then insane for the time Camaro SS and Firebird Firehawk.). Additionally, of the eight of these that will be sold, one of them may actually hit its top speed, maybe two of them will be tracked and all of them will be driven on the street by men who will rarely exceed the speed limit but will have very small gentleman’s vegetables.

Me, I’d take a CTS-V in either wagon or coupe form over either of these (it should be pointed out that the current MysticNegroMobile is a V-6 CTS Coupe, also that the ZL1 is basically a CTS-V coupe with a crap interior) but no one asked me.  No one ever asks me.