Dear Automotive Hipster

Congratulations on your purchase of a clapped out, old 911 1


Not even close to this nice.

Not even close to this nice.

You have paid roughly the cost of a new Mustang, Camaro or 360 Z 2 for a sports car that is, objectively, worse performing than a Toyota Camry. Also more expensive to maintain and less reliable.

It’s not all doom and gloom, though.  The snap oversteer provided by the world’s worse drive train layout 3 guarantees that when you come around a corner to hot you will back into that tree, not go in face first.


Fortunately, you have the additional “style” of the 911 5 will keep you smiling as you sit down for your nightly viewing of Urban Outlaw.6

So, have fun with that.  I’m shopping for old 944s. As long as you stay away from them, I can buy two for the cost of your Magnus Walker door handles.



  1. Photo taken from Influx.  Check that site out, it’s got pretty pictures.
  2. Or a used Boxster or Cayman
  3. Which made sense in the Beetle, but not in a sports car.  Not that purists would ever let it change.
  4. Irony!!!!
  5. Admission time, besides the ridiculous slant nose/935, I’ve always found 911s to be entirely unattractive, to each their own, tho.
  6. I mean, he’s a rich guy who collects Porsches.  Nothing says outlaw like collecting Porsches.